This Side Of The Wall » 30 in ’10 List

10 Lessons I Learned in Las Vegas

Britni Danielle — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 02:30:45 +0000

1. my body is banging. period.

2. everyone is thisclose to being an asshole.

3. Vegas clubs…SUCK! (the music annoyed the SH!T out of me. the mixes. ugh. somebody get some LA or NY DJs in that piece!)

4. it’s too damn hot (this one, i knew, but damn…110? really?)

5. everybody loves black people….except black people (*sigh* THIS will have to be its own post).

6. liquid courage will get your told off, QUICK! (dude in the bathrobe betta ask somebody).

7. i could never, under any circumstance, live in Las Vegas.

8. hotels are stationary cruise ships (complete with overpriced, unnecessary shit).

9. my girls are CRAZY, but we love each other immensely (try us. please.)

10. although i had a COMPLETE blast…i’m SO over Vegas. give me something a little more authentic, at little more cultured, and a little less asshole prone and i’m THERE.

Flaws and All

Britni Danielle — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 02:18:09 +0000

How many times have you stood in the mirror and picked yourself apart? Were your hips too big? Your nose? Your pores too large? Your breasts too small or was it your belly…a little too full?

Too many days have started like this for so many of us. Even if we are thisclose to perfect, we find the imperfect in ourselves and beat it to death. It becomes our mantra, our theme song. “I would be so hot if I could….(insert personal gripe here)”

I have my hang ups, but overall I thought I had a pretty good self-image. I’ve always been a thick snack (shout out to @beautynubian) and it never bothered me. I was comfortable being tall, being curvy, being a little more woman than the average. I’ve had this body, these hips, height, and Double Ds since middle school, so it was second nature. But lately, I found myself obsessing focusing on parts of myself that I want to change. That I want to conceal. That I feel some type of way about. Case in point, my arms.

I never wear sleeveless shirts or dresses. Never. Not even in the dead heat of a hot ass California summer, my arms will be covered. Over the years I have been very self-conscious about my arms, not only because they are on the thick side, but because I have stretch marks on my shoulders that sprang up when my body started to outgrow its little girl self. I have always been so insecure about these stretch marks, these growth scars that seemed to spring up overnight and tattoo my arms with an imperfection so great it traumatized me into years of covering up. It’s deep. When Beloved and I were in the begging stages of our relationship and I wanted him to think I was perfect, I would shy away from being intimate because I didn’t want my arms to be a turnoff (yes, my ARMS!). I tried to anticipate his reaction. Would he notice? Would he care? Would he be turned-off? It all got to be too much, and would ruin the mood. Eventually, I got past it with him, but the arms stayed covered. Lately, however, I’ve been thinking about my obsession.

And I am SO over it.

Yesterday I threw on a tank top and told my bestie I was going out, arms exposed. Her response, “Bout time, B!” She said something that stuck with me…“Others can’t be comfortable with you, until you are comfortable with yourself…”

I’ve spent the better part of 30 years trying to get comfortable with me. I’ve obsessed about things, I’ve prayed to God to just let me be great, when really, I already am.

Turning 30 has made me very introspective and has helped me to acutely tune into what I want for my life: happiness, love, acceptance, vulnerability, fun. And none of those things will happen or thrive if I keep fixating on trivial things I cannot change.

SO I am letting go. Letting go of the false ideas of perfection, of the worries about how I appear to others and am just doing me. Because in the end, If mama’s not happy, no one will be happy.

~~~

Are you letting yourself be great?

Do you obsess over your body or things you cannot change?

When did you learn to just let go of the negative self-talk and just LIVE?

(Stretch mark advice? No, really lol)

Challenge!

Britni Danielle — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 18:47:14 +0000

Summer is here. Did you hear me? SUMMER IS HERE! (everyone rejoice).

I love summers, have loved them every since I was little kid and could stay outside double-dutching with my friends until the streetlights came on. Summer, to me, signals a time of rebirth. People are pealing away layers—literally and figuratively—showing who they really are, their natural selves, and the world just seems a little more at ease.

Or at least that’s how I see it.

I love summers now because it means I get a break from working. A break from the grind of teens with attitudes, rushing to get the kid to school, and trying to fit everything into a day that already seems ready to pop at the seams.

This summer I’m continuing to tackle my 30 in ’10 list. The list of things I am hoping to accomplish in honor of my 30^th year of life. This year I’m on a quest to have more fun, get healthier, and get my money straight.

Which leads me here…I have a challenge for you (yes, YOU!).

I was going over my finances and spending habits on Mint.com. Mint helps you track your spending, keep tabs on your net worth, and arms you with info to either get out of debt or help your money go. Basically it’s financial awesomeness. But I was on Mint and I noticed I spent nearly $300 eating out this month. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS! Insanity.

So here’s the challenge. I am challenging myself (and you) to cook at home for a month week (I’m not delusional). That means no eating out, no stopping at Starbucks or Jamba Juice for a quick snack, no trips to 7-11. I am committing to grocery shopping (once) and eating the food that’s actually in my fridge. Revolutionary, I know. Part of my summer goals are to 1)Save money cuz I’m going on a few trips (ATL shawty!), and 2)Drop these next 15lbs (I’m already down 25!). So cooking and eating at home help me slay two big birds with one money-saving stone.

What you think? You in?

A few notes on the challenge…

For it to be successful l we’ll need a few things.

1. a grocery list: plan out what you want to eat this week. yes, might take a bit of time, but quickly go through a mental list of your “go-to” meals. for me, i boiled it down to 4 easy dinners i can cook this week.

2. time: cooking at home takes time, but it doesn’t have to take all day. no one is asking you to put on a sunday dinner every night. throw some chicken in the oven, grill up some burgers, make a big salad. all of these can be prepared VERY quickly (and are GOOD for you!).

3. will power: at least for me. it’ll be hard for me to avoid my trip to 7-11 to cop a big gulp or Icee, but i can make those at home if i just prepare. dropping 25lbs so far has taught me that at some point, it all comes down to me. will i, or won’t i. usually when i’m able to be the stronger one, things work out like i want.

Good Luck and let me know how you guys are doing!

Do you love summer as much as I do?

What are your summertime goals?

A Week Late & A Whole Lotta Dollars Short

Britni Danielle — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 06:24:02 +0000

ok, so i’m late updating y’all on my birtday shinangins, but charge it to old age. LOL

new york was…, of course. i had a FABULOUS time. i partied like i was turning 21 instead of 30, ran around the city seeing EVERYTHING like i was a tourist, got fitted for a expensive ass bra, and enjoyed myself to the nth degree.

i had SUCH a great time that when i got home last Monday, i was sick. SICK! headache, chills, sore throat. i was #ManDown most of the week, which (sorta) explains this late recap. but, hey…it was SO worth it!

even though i couldn’t see ALL my nyc peeps, i had the opportunity to meet Gale (@GGSpirit) and Renina (@Mdotwrites), two wonderfully amazing ladies (and writers). GG tried to get me DRUNK (she succeed) on our night out at not one, but TWO clubs. i had a blast though. and although Neens & I had to do drive-by hellos, she is still as fresh as she wanna be. #LoveThem!

all in all, i’m so glad i decided to take a little time for myself and make t

he trip back to my second home. being out there, perusing the city and enjoying the weather just made me THAT more eager for summer.

two weeks left and i’m freeeeeeeeeeee, for a little while at least.

i cannot wait. this has been THE longest school year ever. i know i’ve said that every year, but this year has been especially trying. moving to a new school and being confronted with some very serious (and sometimes bleak) situations just has me drained. i need a break. i need to relax and recharge so that i can, once again, give my all to a group of kids who need someone to believe in them. it’s hard work, and sometimes i feel like throwing my hands up, but they need people they can count on. so here i am.

in the meantime…i’ve got lots of ideas. the summer will see a new site form me (and maybe you?) about brown boys. raising my son and being a teacher for these past 4 years has taught me that parents of boys, and specifially brown boys, need all the recourses/support/love/advice we can get. so that is going to be my aim. provide a space for parents to connect and share resources. if you’ve got essay or other ideas, please email me. theprisonerswife at gmail dot com.

and no, the new site doesn’t mean i’m going to stop bloggin here either. i’m gonna try to do both. in two weeks i’ll be free to write/think/read again.

i can’t wait!

you been cool?

are you following me on twitter? if so, check out the #BrownBoyGenius hastag. that’s where i share interesting links/thoughts on brown boys.

questions/comments? share them!

30 feels like…

Britni Danielle — Wed, 26 May 2010 15:26:39 +0000

a bundle of energy

nerves

big teeth grin

unending promise

fun, fun, fun

womanish

good, real good

sexy

stronger

wiser

so much more

looking forward

i turned 30 last weekend and i just wanted to share what 30 feels like for me. so many people dread turning 30. they feel like it’s the end of their youth, but really, it’s only the beginning.

i had a hell of a time last weekend celebrating my 30th year of life, and it still ain’t over. tomorrow night i’m on a plane headed to NYC to do it all again.

I can’t wait!

(follow me on twitter for updates/pics/random foolishness about my NYC trip. #fun)

How did you feel when you turned 30? 40? 50?

Fly Words, Fly

Britni Danielle — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 05:16:47 +0000

the want ads # 1

wanted: freedom to do pleasing

belly laughs midnight with my beloved

a Triple5soul hoodie in blueberry fuchsia

parents

together

happy brothers granddaddy live

2 bill in the bank of black unity

mi nombre en sus libros

my name in your books

We are nearing the end of National Poetry Month and as this month closes, I’m diggin in my crates and sharing a poem with you. This poem, The Want Ads, was originally included in my final thesis manuscript and later published in 2006 in the now defunct lit journal, Lorraine & James. It is a part of a series, but I like this first one the best.

I have been trolling my poems, taking inventory, and seeing which are ready to go out into the world again. I’ve already submitted to one lit journal and have plans to submit to two others, The Los Angeles Review and Rattle (and maybe even Palabra). It’s been years since I’ve actively submitted my work and that’s far too long. I didn’t go all the way to NYC, get a MFA and write for years just to sit on these poems…so fly words, fly.

I am a chronic procrastinator. I’ve mentioned it before, but sometimes you just have to say, “enough.”

I’ve wasted too much time.

I’ve amassed enough shoulda/woulda/couldas

and I’m over it.

Time to make my voice heard outside of the confines or my classroom, or twitter. or this blog.

~~~

what are you doing that you’ve been procrastinating on for far too long?

btw: i’m thinking about publishing a small chapbook of some of my poems, would you buy it?

forward ever

Britni Danielle — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 02:49:10 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

A few weeks ago I came from behind the keyboard to share with you the beginnings of my weight loss journey.

It’s has been YEARS (literally, 4) that I’ve been blogging anonymously, but slowly and surely I’ve been gaining strength to share more of myself & my journey with y’all. Being vulnerable ain’t easy, but you’ve eased me into it. Whenever I feel like I’m exposing too much of myself, I try to remember being vulnerable is the only path to true happiness.

“there is POWER in vulnerability, U can NOT fly with one wing over your heart”

The love and support I’ve received from you guys has been nothing short of amazing.

so…forward ever…(word to Patrice Lumumba)

I’m back with my second videoblog & it was fun! I hope you enjoy watching me grow as a person & become even more FABULOUS!

~~~

A Few Quick Notes

I’ve been visiting/reading/nodding my head at ABlackGirlsGuidetoWeightLoss. Erika provides practical information & inspiration for those of us looking to shed a few lbs. (and no, it’s not JUST for black girls!).

Also, be sure to check out SparkPeople. even IF you aren’t into counting calories, you can still get a TON of information and support from this (FREE!) site.

when was the last time you realized you just have to move forward?

5 things I’ve learned while trying to get fit

Britni Danielle — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 04:39:25 +0000

Even though my quest to get fit has only been going on for a few weeks, I’ve learned SO much in such a short time. These are “aha moments” so far…

1. When you pay attention to what you eat, you eat so much less! For the past week & a half I’ve been tracking my calories on SparkPeople. Keeping track of every, single bite I take has made me acutely aware of what I’ve been eating. If I want a Pepsi, I have to try to fit it into my 1800 calorie limit for the day. And suddenly, drinking nearly 300 calories doesn’t seem so smart. Many days I struggle to even eat all 1800 calories. Who knew that NOT eating up all my daily cals would be so easy?

2. It’s about preparation, not perspiration: Well, sorta. These past two weeks I’ve had to plan out my meals in order to stay on the straight and narrow & not fall off the wagon and into a bacon cheeseburger. Although working out is important, I know myself. I’m not a gym rat and I’m NOT going to kill myself for 6 days a week. Nope. Thankfully, eating right is 80% of the weight loss battle. If you control what goes IN your mouth, you don’t have to worry so much about what goes ON your thighs.

3. Getting fit is not a sprint, it’s a marathon: I’ve been down this road before. I’ve gotten all gung ho about a eating plan (ehem, fat smash diet) and lost hella pounds hella fast and then…somewhere along the line, I’ve fallen off. This has played itself out in cycle after cycle and I’m tired of it. I know HOW to lose weight. I’ve lost weight in the past, but struggling to NOT be in a hurry to lose weight (and risk it coming back on) is the key.

4. Be accountable! I am not a master of will power or holding myself accountable, so I’ve had to enlist others to keep me motivated. Luckily, I have a friend who is on her own journey to get Fit & Fab, so we keep up with each other’s progress & make sure we ask… “did you exercise today?” Also, tweeting about my experiences has also kept me accountable. People like @MsCarmalita constantly ask, “How was your run today?” which helps me to not slack off. Having a support system of people who will support you (and kick your butt back into gear when you’ve lost motivation) is key if you want to be successful.

5. Appreciate the curves: I’ve never hated my body. Even at its largest I’ve felt beautiful and sexy. Getting fit & healthy isn’t about learning to love myself, it’s about loving myself ENOUGH to finally put me first. By getting in shape, I am practicing the highest form of self-love there is. I love me. My body has carried me through 29 years, giving birth, traveling, and being loved. This journey isn’t about getting into a perfect size 6, it’s about living life to the fullest and setting good examples for my son.

Are you on a journey to get fit?

What lessons have you learned lately?

What keeps you motivated?

This Old Body

Britni Danielle — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:13:52 +0000

this body isn’t perfect

stretch marks etch stories

of adolescence, birthing, getting grown

brown skin spilling over

more and more to love?

this body carries

baby boy, groceries, promises,

books, worries, hope, fear

to sunrise

this body is all I have

& so I present offerings

of peace for the times

i’ve talked about you

disgust overtaking reverence

this body is a possibility

a collage of experience

and memory ready

to be unleashed to potential

April is National Poetry Month. In years past, I have posted my own poems, shared some of the poems I love, and have even featured guest poets. This year I’ve gotten off to a slow start, but poems are forever with me. I think in verse lots of times, and if I do not have a pen when a line strikes me, I try to repeat it over and over and over or else it may be lost forever.

This morning I was throwing around some words, obsessing thinking about my health and my new commitment to getting fit, and this is what came out.

Many times we take our bodies for granted. It’s so easy to only focus on what’s wrong with it (I mean, we are told we should be PERFECT), instead of realizing how strong, resilent, powerful, and amazing we are.

This poem is just me trying to remind myself that even though I’m not a size 2, I’m pretty damn awesome anyway.

how do you cut through the noise & remember you’re amazing?

read/write any good poems lately?

Losing It

Britni Danielle — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:41:28 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Ok, so I hated my voice in that video. Sounded a bit too high, but oh well. And I could have put on a little lip gloss, and–BLEH!–No Negative self talk!

Hopefully you will continue to check back & even join me as I set out to reform my own health. Losing weight isn’t easy. Let me correct that. Losing weight IS easy, I’ve done it before, but keeping it off–for good–is HARD. I’m on a quest to lose it & lose it FOR GOOD.

Won’t you join me?

~~~

The websites I mentioned in the video that have been extremely helpful and motivating this week, as I restarted my weight loss journey, are: