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Recently I’ve been inspired. Being off from work (sick) for nearly a week not only allowed me to feel better, but also gave me some time to write. A while ago I shared the beginning of a story  novel I’m working on, and since then I’ve had bouts of on and off writing. Lately my writing has been ON  (finally!) and I’ve added thousands of words to the story. 

As winter break approaches, I am looking forward to being off from work and having more time to write. I plan on knocking out a substantial part of the novel over those three weeks, but writing alone without feedback is hard. I come from a workshopping background. Some of my best experiences were had in a writing workshop. Since graduating from my MFA program 4 years ago, I haven’t found a writing group that I love/trust. So I’m reaching out to y’all.

I’ve met many of you through twitter. And over the past few months, I’ve come to know you as intelligent readers whose choice in books I trust. So I’m going to share my baby, my novel in progress with you. This excerpt comes from around pages 20-29, so some things may be vague. Be sure to check out the first few pages if you need some background (or if you want to read it all). 

I want your honest comments! Feel free to rip me apart be frank about what you like or dislike.

 

(click on the document to enlarge & read! enjoy!)

 

~~

Do you see/feel/hear what Lela sees?

What do you feel is lacking from this excerpt?

Does this excerpt make you want to read the entire manuscript? Why?/Why not?

(sorry, I’m nerdy & I love having your thoughts to chew on.)

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December 10th, 2009 | Category: fiction, fiction writing, writing
  • I got to say I like the banner and title of the blog
  • I read a part of this piece before and found it very nice and definitely something you need to keep expounding on. There is a audience who could relate to Lela's feelings. Only issue I had was Damien reminded me of a man I had a past relationship with smh lol. The smoothness lol. Otherwise I think your writing style is excellent and it is an easy and descriptive write that immediately put me in NY and at Rikers. I also felt the love as well as the frustration in Lela's words.
  • soolebop
    good good work sis, I like it a lot. It drew me in quick enough, and the descriptions were decent. I can't find anything wrong, sorry. I would like to read the whole manuscript because I'd like to see the characters interact more. I can tell the story is heavy. Keep up the good work!
  • caoileann
    Hello, I'm new to your blog, and have really enjoyed reading it. I read your manuscript - its really excellent! I found it to be very engaging, and I was diasappointed when I came to the final page! I really liked how you captured the emotions that are evolving at this critical juncture in Lela and Damien's lives. Keep up your great work! Keelin
  • losangelista
    You are so brave to ask for feedback like this. I admire your courage. Perhaps we should form a little writer's group here in LA? I read this (and the previous part) last night - it made me want to read more. Wanted to find out 1) why'd he get locked up 2) What's she think she's going to do? 3) What are people telling her she should do 4) What's the final resolution?

    Also thought about how he's in a physical prison but is she in a mental/emotional prison, feeling trapped by what seem to be very limiting choices. You can feel the weight of her circumstances crushing down on her. It was easy to connect with Lela because her POV/voice is so strong. Less connection with his POV.

    There's great warmth and sense of place in your writing. Loved the connection to our romanticized visions of Queensbridge contrasted with the harsh reality of what life there is really like. That struck me - there's much in our romantic versions of how our lives are going to turn out, and then there's the reality. When Lela fell in love, she had one story that she'd envisioned. Now there's another. I wanted to see a little more of the conflict between dreams/reality but I think that will come out as you get more into their story. Also, the dialogue felt very authentic. Natural and unforced.

    Thanks again for sharing, and for asking for feedback.
  • I am NOT a writer. I always feel like I should preface everything I say with that. I am, a pretty voracious reader though. The one thing that struck me, was how much you used the character's names, which I didn't think you really needed to do and after a bit it almost feels like a bit of distraction. There were also a few sentences I felt could have been combined to make the thoughts more succint. I REALLY liked how much description there was and I could picture in my mind what you were trying to (successfully :) ) accomplish.
  • Greetings:

    Be careful of putting your novel out on the Internet (here) before publication. If you intend to get it published, "publishing" it here can be a drawback for potential publishers. Also, you risk copyright violation.

    Develop a little private group of a few of your readers here and work with them.

    Besides, you want people to buy your book when it's published :)

    Good jo!
  • theprisonerswife
    thanks Safiyyah,

    i understand what you're saying, and i'm def not posting the whole thing online. just the parts i need feedback on. everybody's comments have helped me tremendously!

    i appreciate everyone's feedback. thanks so much!
  • JDjeanine
    I read your excerpt and wanted to read more. I think you have a bestseller in the works. We need books like yours. Stay inspired and keep writing. God bless.
  • theprisonerswife
    thanks so much for stopping by & reading!
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